how it's done.

Yesterday we sat in a room and waited. For a very, very long time. Gord's mom & dad & I finally met with the transplant team to find out what we can expect from his BMT.

It was pretty surreal - the Dr spoke so factually. They will kill all of G's marrow with mega-chemo & full body radiation - make all his blood counts bottom out at zero, fill him back up with stem cells from someone else. Some unknown person somewhere out there in the world. He went through the risks, of which there are many: cataracts, skin problems, mouth sores, future cancers, relapse of his own disease, organ failure..and more. He went over the pro: the disease could be gone.

I sat as I always do, taking in the information like a sponge, probably looking pretty nonplussed. Truth of the matter is I was listening to someone explain to me the mortality rates & percentages of success in relation to my partner, my best friend, the father of my baby - the man I knew I wanted to spend my olden years with within the first week of knowing him. For me there is no other option. He's got to get through it.

summer knit.

We've had a couple of real scorcher days. We caved & turned on the AC & had the ceiling fans running (ceiling fans are Frankies favourite things!). Our freezer has homemade lemonade popsicles in it & our fridge is nicely packed with delicious seasonal fruit & vegetables.

Summer!

And just in time for the heatwaves, I finished this:

Navajo Cardigan from the Patons book 'Anti Freeze'
Patons Classic Wool Roving

I started this sweater last May. I was hoping to finish it in time to bring on our trip to Newfoundland, but I only worked on it during lunch hour at work & didn't get it done in time & then it just lingered. When I packed up my stuff before going on mat leave, I found it neatly packed in a zippered bag & I promised I'd finish it. I made one big change - as written, the sleeves are too short for me so I did some math & charted them out & now they are perfect.

So...the sleeves fit, but the rest of the sweater is sadly too small for me at this time. When I began knitting this I was not pregnant & had no idea that my body would soon be swelling with a baby (and umm...like, several bagels & cream cheese). I ended up gaining quite a bit of weight in those 40 weeks & I'm having a heck of a time getting rid of it now.


I've tucked it away in a safe place & will hopefully get to wear it once the weather gets cold enough to need a big thick wool sweater.

Now that this is done, I am devoting what little knitting time I have to finishing a cardigan my friend Susanna asked me to knit for her FIVE YEARS AGO. I started it right when she requested it & then, well, stuff happened & my life went crazy & then it got lost in the land of UFOs. It's going nicely now though, and I have just one sleeve and a half to go. And guys? It's a beauty.

V.I.B.E!

Very! Important! Blog! Entry!

The first time Gord was diagnosed with Leukemia it was a shock. The second time he was diagnosed it wasn't so much shocking as it was unfair. We were angry! Why was this happening to us *again*? Right when things were getting so good, right when our little family was about to begin?

I felt foolish for not thinking for even a second that he could relapse. Of course he could.

When we met with his Dr, he told us that this time his best chance for long term survival without relapse was a Bone Marrow Transplant. His brother & sister were tested but unfortunately were not matches. Gord's been dutifully going through chemo, but he was starting to question why and what if it didn't work? To be honest, spirits were dropping a little around here.

Then last week....!

Last week he got a call from his oncologists office saying they have found a match(!!!!) It is still very early stages & he doesn't meet with the transplant team until July, but for sure this has pumped some air back in his tires. He is thrilled, I am thrilled. Transplants come with their own lovely list of complications & I know it will be tough, but what this means is that there is a good chance he will be around for years & years & (hopefully) years to enjoy our family.

Which is great because lately, he & Frankie have become total BFFs...

Now, how did they find Gordie a match? Through a mega huge database of possible donors. Wonderful people who have taken the time (approx 2 minutes) to put themselves in the registry. Want to be one of those wonderful people? If you are Canadian, check out onematch. For our American neighbours, visit be the match.

You will get a swab kit mailed to you & the it is as easy as...

swabby swab here
and a shwabber here...
And then a swabberino over here...
And then one last swab-a-lab-a-ding-dong over here...
Stick them in the slots (honestly, this was the hardest part)
And then mail 'er off!
Hopefully one day I'll get the call & I can pay it forward.

xoxo!

(FYI - I changed the comment settings on my blog, I think some people were having trouble - should be right as rain now!)

whole lotta love.

What's been happening?

Some of this...

Some of this...

Often there is this...


But more often than that, there is this...


I figure we must be doing something right.

Gord's doing well - tired a lot of the time, but mostly good, I think. That might be easier for me to say than for him. We got through his first hospital stay since the baby without any trouble. It was hard for both of us - for him to be away from his baby & for me to be away from my babe. He was in for 5 days & we visited him only once. A lot different from the days when I could just go & sit beside him for hours on end. He's halfway through the consolidation bit - what comes after that is unknown for now - they are searching for a bone marrow match, but what if they can't find one? I wish could just wiggle my nose or click my heels & make it Go. Away. Oddly enough, having the baby around makes things a little easier. We have this super awesome person to take our minds off of the dark stuff.

It's hard to get lost in sadness when this is who you get to spend your days with.

do the boob.

Food.

One of our most basic needs, and one I was having a heck of a time giving my little lady. I struggled with breastfeeding from day one in the hospital. For the first week of Frankie's life I was a wreck. I was a sweaty, topless banshee. I smelled like I had hiked the entire Bruce Trail.
I was told nursing may be difficult for me as I didn't have much breast tissue - but it didn't really hit me what that meant.

What that meant was that Frankie wouldn't ever be satisfied & would be screaming to be fed - and if she wasn't screaming, she'd grumpily fall asleep - probably just to take her mind off her hunger. She would then wake up...screaming to be fed.

So I called the Lactation services of the hospital & they comforted me & told me to come in - they told me they could help me.

And boy howdy did they! Breastfeeding brings with it so! many! emotions! - and the guilt I felt about not being able to provide my kid with her only real demand broke my heart. It made me cry several times a day. The lactation consultant I got hooked up with gave me back my sanity - she told me it was OK - she patiently held my hand & guided me through all my options; and I tried them all. Herbal supplements, tube feeding, finger feeding, nipple shields, pumping, formula supplementing, prescription meds, understanding that happy mom = happy baby & coming to peace with the fact that giving my baby formula was not going to mess her up.

Now I am weaning off the prescription meds (side effects are NOT cool - I feel worse 5 weeks postpartum than I did 40 weeks pregnant!), I am pumping, I am happy to be giving Frankie about 50/50 Breast milk/formula & although I am sad to not have to go to see the Lactation consultant anymore, I am glad that Frankie & I have hammered out some kind of deal & we are able to forge ahead on our own.

How to thank someone for getting me through the toughest thing I've ever had to go through?

No, it's not a curling stone - it's a knitted boob!

I wasn't sure how it'd be received but I'm happy to report that she loved it. She more than loved it - she squealed! It was like she had always wanted a knitted breast & now she finally had one. She even said they may call upon me to make more for teaching purposes.

Have a beloved Lactation Consultant in your life? Knit them a boob!

can I get a hand?

I knew having a baby would mean that I'd have to give up some of my freedoms:
The freedom to sleep in
The freedom to go out whenever I wanted
The freedom to drink as many beers as I wanted when I when out
Heck, the freedom to go to the bathroom when I needed to?

But one thing I didn't really think about is that my freedom of using my hands, my arms would be taken away by my tiny boss. And really, I'm on the clock more often than not.

It's for this reason I'd like to get an Amen for the Baby Carrier. .

I started out using the Moby. This wrap is good for around the house - but considering it's 18 feet of jersey fabric, I was having difficulty imagining going anywhere with it. Because of the length, it takes a while to put it on & get it right & I had to watch several youtube videos to get it right.

But hey, it let me make & eat breakfast!

It has it's downsides - Frances doesn't like getting in it. Part of this may be my technique, but it takes a couple of minutes for her to remember that 'Oh yeah, I like being snuggled up in here...' BUT! She does not like to be snuggled up in there for very long & when her time is up it. is. up. And oh - she usually throws up upon entering the Moby - so there's one part near the front that's gnarly & when you wash this thing, it shrinks right the heck up & takes a bit to stretch back out.
She usually falls asleep quickly, but doesn't like her head to be tucked in the pocket for support - so I find myself supporting her head with my hand a lot of the time which defeats the purpose.

It sounds like I don't like the Moby, but really - this was the gateway to freedom for me!

Today I remembered that months & months ago I made a Mei Tai carrier using the tutorial at Still Learning the Game of Life
When I made it, I kind of shoved it aside as I doubted its usefulness. It seemed big & bulky & cumbersome. I wanted to be sure it was sturdy, so I used heavy fabrics & reinforced the Hell out of it.


Frankie is going through some kind of phase where she'll fall into a deep sleep when she's on my chest, but as soon as I put her down to nap it's fusspot city. This morning I put her in the Moby & we were fine for a while, but it got hot & sweaty in there & after about 45 minutes she was screaming to get out.

On a whim I thought I'd try out the Mei Tai - to see if it really was a waste of the afternoon it took to make it.

Verdict?

COMPLETE FREAKING SUCCESS!!

I love it! I like it a lot more than the Moby - there's nice air flow, there's more head support (thanks to the padded headrest!) and it is way, way easier & faster to put on. It's still pretty huge, and it might be a pain to use out & about, but still....

She did not scream or throw up when I put her in there!


Just more proof that handmade is often far superior.


(that being said, I'm DYING to get my hands on a beco carrier - which I think will be great for around town & for Gord to use.....but for now? Mei Tai it is!)

gonna dress you up in handknits.

Hello from babyland!

Things seem to be hitting some kind of sort-of-rhythm. That 'rhythm' is eat, sleep, poop - but hey, I'll take it! At least 'sleep' seems to be a bigger part of the equation than it was that first week & a half.

I've even found a way to squeeze some knitting into my days. It is so nice to fit in some *me* time since our world suddenly is so All About Baby.
Still though, my me time seems still to find a way to be All About Baby.

Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Jacket.
Handspun my parents brought home from Scotland - I had about 1 yard left over. A very close call!
Nothing to say about this pattern that hasn't been said before. Fun to knit & fun to watch form.

'Cardigan Raglan' from La Droguerie's Tous le Bebes
Misti Alpaca Solids.
This pattern was *very* cryptic - or should I say 'cryptique'? I got it from a french book - so there were some educated guesses to be made, but I think I got it right & it fits like a glove. I started this 2 days before I went into labour & had one sleeve left to do. I finally found the time to finish it up last night. At the rate she's eating & therefore growing, this won't fit for long so it's a good thing I got it done.

Gord & I have had to blend our rooms together; My sewing room + his music studio stuff = WHOAH! That's a lot of stuff crammed into a tiny room! My main focus now is for real to use what I got & to finish off lingering projects.

Next up on my naptime knitting?

Yes! A sweater...for ME!

Frankie.

Welcome to the world, Frances Marian!

When I woke up at 5am on April 7th, I wasn't sure if what I was feeling were contractions. I took a bath and tried my best to relax, but the discomfort wouldn't go away & seemed to be picking up pace. I texted Bianca, our Doula to tell her what was going on & she called me back & said it looked like we were going to Babytown that day.

In prenatal class we were told that early labour could last up to 12 hours - and that you should go to the hospital once contractions were 5 minutes apart for 1 hour. Mine went straight to about 2-3 minutes apart. Our awesome friend Avril came over to drive us to the hospital right smack dab in the middle of morning traffic & Bianca made it just in time (I was getting super edgy & was insisting on just going to the hospital without waiting for her to arrive). I kept looking out the window & thinking 'Everyone else is going to work...I'm going to have a baby!'

My labour was, quite honestly, wonderful. There is nothing I would have done differently, I progressed quickly through all stages, she came out with 9 minutes of pushing & Gord was able to be there for the whole entire thing - he cut the cord & got skin on skin contact with her right after I did. Having a doula was the best thing we could have possibly done - she was so awesome! It really made all the difference for us.

It's been 3 weeks now & I still cannot believe I made her!


I've scoured every inch of her body & there is not one single thing wrong with her.
The first week was pretty hairy - I was having lots of Breastfeeding issues, but things are starting to sort themselves out now.

She even spends some of her time with her eyes open!

We're totally in love with her. She's a real (Niagara) peach.

Now... to figure out how to get some knitting in!

you give me fever.

One thing I was glad to say goodbye to the first time G went through treatment was the whole taking his temperature thing.

Every hour or so, he'd pop the thermometer into his mouth & I'd hold my breath until I heard it beep.
'What is it?'
'No fever.'
PHEW.

or:
'FUCK!'

Now, again, the same sense of dread every time he slips the thermometer under his tongue.
He's been neutropenic since he was discharged from the hospital & we've been keeping a close eye on his temperature. Anything over 38 & we're supposed to go to the ER. So last night, he was hovering.... 37.9....38.2.....37.5......38.... finally, we decided to just go. Not really where either of us wanted to be, but it had to be done. I left him there at 2am, when we were told he'd be admitted - something, probably an infection but they don't know where, was causing the fever. (Props to the TGH triage nurse though - who, upon finding out I was very nearly 40 weeks pregnant arranged to have a more comfortable chair put in the room!)

So I came home & slept (uncomfortably) and today, apparently, he will get to come home. There's home care visits to give him (yet more) antibiotics & I am trying to stay rested & as relaxed as possible to keep this baby hanging in there until G feels better. So far, she is very agreeable.

tiny knits.

Baby showers are fun - but even more fun when they involve pinatas! And adorable hand knits!

The lovely ladies at work threw me a wonderful shower before I left. A superb potluck spread, the Most Delicious Cake I've Ever Eaten, homemade pinata (!!) and a wealth of thoughtful & sweet as pie gifts.

Here I am with the talented pinata makers - it took many, many thwumps to bust this open - I ended up having to punch it open with my fists!


One of the (many) perks of working where I do is that my co-workers are very smart & talented. And they are knitters. So what happens when there's a baby on the horizon? The sticks get busy!

Adorable hats from Suzanne! I love the tiny tam!


And what's this? Svetlana sees a sweater on a baby journal & decides to show off by re-creating the sweater? Seriously - matching sweater & journal? My baby is one lucky lady!


Not one to be outdone, Gayle hit it out of the park with this tiny & perfect fair isle cardigan. So cute it brought tears to my eyes when I opened it up!



And just in case all of this wasn't enough - just on the off chance I wanted to be sent over the edge into cuteness coma, Julia served up this sugary sweet concoction.

Yeah!
Months ago, when being pregnant was my own special secret, Gayle came back from a trip to Paris with some wonderful pattern books from La Droguerie. I casually flipped through them, and then not so casually flipped out when I came across an adorable Strawberry Jumper & its matching co-ordinates. I became somewhat fixated on it - when the Ultrasound technician told us we were having a girl, the strawberry jumper was the first thing I thought of. Why then, did I put off making it? I couldn't find the right yarn, mostly - and then things got sort of hectic in my life & I didn't have time for searching. Julia not only re-ignited my Jumper desire, but she also included the yarn for me to make it! I'll be casting on shortly!

Along with these hand knits, came lots of other grade-A gifts. This baby is already spoiled!

And how's this for a heart-warming scene?

There's Gordie - knifty knitting a hat for the little lady. He's a total knifty knitter expert! He's almost done, which is a good thing since I'm only 4 more sleeps away from my due date!

where the heart is.

That month went so much faster than I thought it would. Thank God.

Gord was discharged from the hospital on Saturday! Honestly, this couldn't have happened at a better time. I was really starting to loose steam. Going to work & going to the hospital (almost) every day was really starting to take a toll on me. Luckily, I had my last day of work last week & Gord is home & now I can relax. Kind of. It was my birthday on Sunday & honestly - all I wanted was for him to be home. It was nice to get my wish.

The nature of the new protocol G's on is different than the first go-around. There's way, way more hospital time. He's doing something called Hyper CVAD - which is 8 rounds of 'Cycle A & B'. Cycle A is done as an outpatient, twice a week going to PMH. Cycle B is given every 21 days (depending on counts) and requires a 10 day admit into the hospital. B cycle really does a number on him - mega high dose of some pretty brutal stuff. How we will work this with a baby in the mix is not yet clear, but I am so glad I don't have to also juggle work!

And me? Creeping closer to my due date, mindful of every single twinge & new sensation I feel -- wondering if any of it *means* anything. I'm nudging up to the 39th week & incredibly thankful (and somewhat surprised) that I feel this good. My feet aren't swelling, my blood pressure is nice & low, even my hormones are mostly in check. Hard to believe that some time within the next couple of weeks this little person will be in my arms & not taking up so much space inside my body.

They threw me a wonderful shower at work - I'll show off the goods in my next post. Lets just say, it's really nice to have knitwear designers as co-workers.

Inching.

I'm 37 weeks, 6 days. 2 weeks away from D-Day. Seems like only yesterday I was peeing on the stick & waking a sleeping & disoriented Gord up to tell him that there was something(someONE) growing inside me.

Things are mostly in place - we got diapers (a bunch of prefolds & covers), we got a place for her to sleep, a place for her to take a bath, and a bajillion tiny outfits. Now, all we need is a baby. And for Gord to come home.

Just need some tiny feet to put in these.

Gord's been doing well - some days are better than others, but on the whole I'd say the good ones far outweigh the bad. It's easy for me to say that though. He was able to come home for 2 nights last week on a hospital pass. It gave him the opportunity to see the painted nursery & make me dinner (!). I had 2 of the best nights sleeps I've had in about a month. There's a chance he'll be home this week, which is great. I'm really hoping to have at least a week of not doing much of anything.

Help has been coming in from all directions & it's been wonderful. I don't know what I did to win the friend lottery, but I'm sure thankful. Not being afraid of asking for help is a new & useful skill! I just hope I can repay all of these amazing favours some day.

xo

big.ger.

I get bigger & slower everyday.



It's incredibly frustrating because I want to be able to help G as much as I can, but the truth is - I'm loosing steam. Balancing work (only got 1 1/2 weeks to go!!), growing a tiny person & being there for my guy is sure taking a lot out of me. In some ways, the fact that this is a relapse has it's perks. We don't have the same worry & fear of the unknown. We've been through it before, we know what to expect. Energy is not spent worrying about what is ahead of us. I know all too well what's coming up.

strange days.

So much going on with the whole world, the universe & everything. My heart & mind is all over the place.

Yesterday when I opened the front door to go to my OB appointment, everything felt... different.
I can't really explain it & Thursday was a heavy day - a couple of things happened that got both Gord & I thinking about the whole world, the universe & everything. Despite waking up to the devastating news of what was happening in Japan, I felt good. Light. Hopeful.

My appointment went well - everything's going good, I'm right on track. I can't believe it, but now I'm at the point where I have a Drs appointment every week. I'm so thankful that I've had such an 'easy' pregnancy. I hope she's this nice to me when she's on the outside.

After seeing the Dr I felt so great...so happy. I wanted to see Gord & just enjoy the day. We ended up having the nicest, most relaxing day! He's got an exercise bike in his room to help keep his strength up, so he'd hop on there & I lounged in the reclining chair (this chair changes visits!! My hips are getting bigger every day & the tiny chair I was sitting in before was rotten!) We watched the news, I knit, I got us snacks, G's friend came for a visit. It felt like we were hanging out in a poorly furnished hotel room. It was lovely.

We talked about how it felt weird to be having such a fine time in light of our circumstances. We know that there are some seriously tough days ahead of us though, so for now, I am not going to feel guilty or bad about enjoying the good ones.

our beast friend.

Wednesday I went & hung out with G. By the time I got there, he had just finished getting a platelet transfusion. He gets these lots & has never had a problem with them. Today though, he had a reaction. itchyitchyitchy all over, mouth felt like it was closing in & his face went very flush. They shoved steroids in him and gave him (lots of) Benadryl.

As he was drifting off into a Benadryl coma, he asked where Quatchi was.

Quatchi....sasquatch, something of a 'spirit animal' to us - been with us through thick & thin, some of our best jokes have been told through him, plays a larger role in our lives than is probably 'healthy' or 'socially acceptable' but whatever. Quatchi had been hanging out a PMH, keeping Gord company & looking out the window at traffic copters.

It was difficult for me to part with him...I sleep with him every night (and he likes to hang out on my tummy) and being without both him & Gord took some restless nights to get used to.



But I couldn't find him. Anywhere. Long story short - Quatchi is somewhere within the UHN laundry services - we've made more calls than you'd expect in an effort to find him. There are lots of eyes on the lookout for Quatchi. Fingers crossed.

thank you for being a friend...

Accepting help when it is offered, and especially asking for it, has always been hard for me. The first time Gord was sick, when people asked if they could help & what they could do, my answer would always be 'Nothing, we're fine.' I felt like the energy I had had to be used on myself & taking care of G. I didn't have any to spare on other people - I couldn't waste it. What I didn't realize until it was far too late, was that way of thinking only drained my energy more.

This time around, we've made a pact - we're accepting help.

This past weekend, we called upon two friends to come over to paint the nursery (!!!!) It looks amazing. I'm really, really happy with it & I am so thankful that Donald & Avril could help. Avril even arrived with 2 bags of groceries (!!!) - so that was also really wonderful. I'm really feeling the love (and it feels great!)
I helped with what painting I could, but mostly I sat & watched while they asked me lots of questions about the baby & being pregnant & I just ate it up. I put the crap that's happening aside & was just a pregnant lady, enjoying her pregnancy for a while. It was refreshing!

G called as the painting was happening & I showed him the painting in progress on video chat, which was so great - he wants to be a part of all this stuff, so it was good for him to feel like he was 'here'.


Now the room is ready for 'stuff'. The baby will sleep in our room for the first several months, so technically, this isn't *her* room, but rather a room for family to stay. One sad thing for me since finding out the Cancer is back, is letting go of our vision of life for after the baby arrives. We pictured ourselves cuddled up, just the 3 of us, bonding as a new family. This new reality is so different. Yesterday we found out that Gord will most likely be in the hospital well into April. A month ago, I was worried that he'd only get 2 weeks off of work - how was I going to take care of the baby on my own once he went back? Now, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to look after the baby on my own right from the beginning. Luckily my mom is coming to stay for a little while, which is amazing & reassuring. I'm going to try & make the room into a cozy place for her (and others) to be while she's away from home.

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

Since my last post, there have been about a million times I've thought to myself "This would make a great blog post!" But I wouldn't write it - I was far more concerned with living it.

After this post where I so excitedly wrote about Gord & I having come through what we thought would be the worst part of treatment, there still lay before us a bumpy, bumpy road. Sure, there were more ups than before, but it was tough - and it was during this tough time when I thought for the first time since his diagnosis we might actually lose him.

BUT! Like the su-per-per Troop-per-per Gord is, he rose above it & everyone marveled at how just totally awesome he is & he bounced back. The end of chemo came, life returned back to its normal, simple pace - we took some great trips, I started focusing hardcore on my own health, we had a chance to live happily as a normal, everyday couple, I got pregnant (!!), we got engaged, and.....

Gord's cancer came back.

Now, for real, I'm going to blog.

I got pregnant in July - I am due on April 7th (5 weeks!). On February 18th, we found out that Gord's ALL had relapsed. Yeah, kind of a crummy time line.

A lot of the reason I want to blog now, at this incredibly crazy time in our lives, is that when I went to the internet to find some support, I could find nothing. What? No one's been pregnant with a partner going through chemo? There must be! I need to have an outlet to share my experience as both caregiver & new mom & I'd like to quite possibly help someone else in
this same situation if I can.

So here's what's happening now:
Gord was admitted into Princess Margaret last Friday to begin his month-ish long induction period. Thankfully, his Drs are aware of my looming due date & they are trying their best to ensure Gord is able to be at the birth, even if he has not yet been released from the hospital. Luckily the hospital I am delivering at is attached by bridge to PMH!

He is on a different protocol than the first time, which makes sense. Another big difference this
time is that they are really pushing for a Bone Marrow Transplant. This, of course, brings along its own terribly scary list of risks but no more scary than enduring 2 more years of chemotherapy. He is ready for the fight, and I am ready to stand along side him.

And someone else is, too! The thing we cannot forget in all of this, the thing that is giving both of us the determination & strength to go down what we know will be a terribly difficult road is our baby. Our tiny little lady.
She nudges me often, reminding me that she's still here, happily growing inside me. Ready to be a source of strength & light to us both.

Tangled up in Blue(ish green).

Well, it only took about a million years, but it's done!

Tangled Yoke Cardigan! Done! Checkmark!

I didn't mind taking my time with this project - it was a joy to knit from the very beginning. I used Rowan Felted Tweed in 'Water'. I loved working with this - a lot! The knitted fabric is so soft & light while still being warm - it's wonderful.

I wasn't sure about what kind of buttons to put on, but in my last post, Julia suggested something 'vintagey' while Amy commented that she was quite happy with the Mother of Pearl jobbies she used on her own cardigan. That's when the light bulb went on in my head. I have vintage Mother of Pearl buttons! But did I have 9 of the correct size?

Yes, yes I did.

Effin' A! Button luck like that doesn't happen often around here, so I was more thrilled than some might think necessary as I sewed them on.

Even makes my droopy butt look good?

Now, my only concern about this sweater is that it felt...I don't know, more *substantial* before I blocked it. I think it grew too much in blocking & now the arms are a little bigger & longer than I'd like. While the fit is just right right now, I'm worried that my somewhat new, determined interest in my own physical health means that in a couple of months, it's going to be a little too big & look messy (props to myself by mentioning that I was about 25 pounds heavier when I started this sweater?). I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there & maybe that will be when I test out the (shiver) machine washability of this yarn. (oh god oh god what if I ruin it? calm down, I'll cry about ruining it when it actually happens..)


up there there was a squirrel - causing mischief.

Straight from the stash.

A while ago I made a mental promise with myself that I would finish up projects I already had going, use fabric I already had in my stash, spin fiber I already had & chip away at my yarn stash. I didn't *really* expect to stick to it though - it was just a little voice that would pipe up to remind me that I had plenty of yarn at home, or that I had beautiful sweaters on the needles, or that I could make a good amount of dresses & quilts with fabric I already own.

I'm surprised to have stuck to it - and even more surprised when I actually *give* myself permission to start something new, or to buy yarn & I end up forgoing it - telling myself all I have to do is fall back in love with the projects & materials I already own. Make them new...again!

It started with my sock yarn stash. I decided to knit chronologically from it. To my amazement, I have pretty much stuck to it. I have only bought 3 skeins of sock yarn in the past year or so (I KNOW, RIGHT??)

The latest completed project are these beauties:


Socks for Gord from some Trekking Pro Natura sock yarn. I remember the day I bought this -
how intrigued I was by the bamboo content...that was years ago - Bamboo is a
totally common fiber in yarns now!

I loved knitting these - the colours are calming, the yarn is lovely, and the weight is nice & light. A+! (This photo was taken after a couple of times through the washer - hence the pilliness)

And today I finished my Kaffe fasset Regia socks - a special treat for my own feet.


I'm wild about this colour combination, but was so frustrated by the short yardage of this stuff. I ran out of yarn with only about 4 rows to go in my second sock. Luckily, I had turquoise DK Superwash yarn in my stash that fit right in.

I've also made great headway with my Tangled Yoke Cardigan. I have only the button bands to knit. When I took this off the needles, after completing the neckband, I was almost sick to my stomach with absolute, pure joy. Seriously. I love this so much I could vomit.

I want great buttons for this...where should I get some great buttons? I'm not sure if I want to go way over the celtic top with this & get celtic-y pewter buttons or if I want to keep things in this same colour family. I love these indulgent decisions we get to make as knitters!

tangled.

For much, much longer than I care to admit to (a check in my Ravelry project information for this sweater, tells me I started it in September of 2008!) I have been working on the Tangled Yoke Cardigan. I love this project. I love the yarn (Rowan Felted Tweed), I love the feel of the knitted fabric, I know I will love the yoke cables... but I am dragging my heels on it. For months the body of the sweater has lingered in my sewing room...then I finally finished a sleeve, which hung out in the living room...the other sleeve was tucked into my bedside table . All these pieces of sweater everywhere...

There is an incredible sense of peace I feel once pieces of a sweater are finally joined. A "phew! The Gang's finally all here!" sort of relief. I finally got to feel that feeling last weekend when I joined the truant sleeves to the main body of this thing.

Awesome. I love it even more now - it's no longer a heavy grey Charlie Brown storm cloud following me around. Arms & body are together, the cable chart is just on the horizon! I can see it!

And then...
Oh! Snap! My needle has broken. The bamboo has split & the knitting on this cardigan is put on hold once again. (you can insert a fog horn boat noise here.)

So now, until I can get myself a new needle, I am happily working on this beauty:

It is 'A New Design in Cable Stitch' - A pattern from Woman's Weekly, 13 July 1940. A sweater requested by my friend Susannah.
I'm using Elann Baby Cashmere in 'Serengeti Sand.' It's lovely, the cables are lovely & I like working from a vintage pattern. I've been tempted to change a few things about it, but I'd like to stay as true to it as possible. Susannah takes the authenticity of her vintage clothing fairly seriously.