thank you for being a friend...

Accepting help when it is offered, and especially asking for it, has always been hard for me. The first time Gord was sick, when people asked if they could help & what they could do, my answer would always be 'Nothing, we're fine.' I felt like the energy I had had to be used on myself & taking care of G. I didn't have any to spare on other people - I couldn't waste it. What I didn't realize until it was far too late, was that way of thinking only drained my energy more.

This time around, we've made a pact - we're accepting help.

This past weekend, we called upon two friends to come over to paint the nursery (!!!!) It looks amazing. I'm really, really happy with it & I am so thankful that Donald & Avril could help. Avril even arrived with 2 bags of groceries (!!!) - so that was also really wonderful. I'm really feeling the love (and it feels great!)
I helped with what painting I could, but mostly I sat & watched while they asked me lots of questions about the baby & being pregnant & I just ate it up. I put the crap that's happening aside & was just a pregnant lady, enjoying her pregnancy for a while. It was refreshing!

G called as the painting was happening & I showed him the painting in progress on video chat, which was so great - he wants to be a part of all this stuff, so it was good for him to feel like he was 'here'.


Now the room is ready for 'stuff'. The baby will sleep in our room for the first several months, so technically, this isn't *her* room, but rather a room for family to stay. One sad thing for me since finding out the Cancer is back, is letting go of our vision of life for after the baby arrives. We pictured ourselves cuddled up, just the 3 of us, bonding as a new family. This new reality is so different. Yesterday we found out that Gord will most likely be in the hospital well into April. A month ago, I was worried that he'd only get 2 weeks off of work - how was I going to take care of the baby on my own once he went back? Now, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to look after the baby on my own right from the beginning. Luckily my mom is coming to stay for a little while, which is amazing & reassuring. I'm going to try & make the room into a cozy place for her (and others) to be while she's away from home.