04 March 2011

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

Since my last post, there have been about a million times I've thought to myself "This would make a great blog post!" But I wouldn't write it - I was far more concerned with living it.

After this post where I so excitedly wrote about Gord & I having come through what we thought would be the worst part of treatment, there still lay before us a bumpy, bumpy road. Sure, there were more ups than before, but it was tough - and it was during this tough time when I thought for the first time since his diagnosis we might actually lose him.

BUT! Like the su-per-per Troop-per-per Gord is, he rose above it & everyone marveled at how just totally awesome he is & he bounced back. The end of chemo came, life returned back to its normal, simple pace - we took some great trips, I started focusing hardcore on my own health, we had a chance to live happily as a normal, everyday couple, I got pregnant (!!), we got engaged, and.....

Gord's cancer came back.

Now, for real, I'm going to blog.

I got pregnant in July - I am due on April 7th (5 weeks!). On February 18th, we found out that Gord's ALL had relapsed. Yeah, kind of a crummy time line.

A lot of the reason I want to blog now, at this incredibly crazy time in our lives, is that when I went to the internet to find some support, I could find nothing. What? No one's been pregnant with a partner going through chemo? There must be! I need to have an outlet to share my experience as both caregiver & new mom & I'd like to quite possibly help someone else in
this same situation if I can.

So here's what's happening now:
Gord was admitted into Princess Margaret last Friday to begin his month-ish long induction period. Thankfully, his Drs are aware of my looming due date & they are trying their best to ensure Gord is able to be at the birth, even if he has not yet been released from the hospital. Luckily the hospital I am delivering at is attached by bridge to PMH!

He is on a different protocol than the first time, which makes sense. Another big difference this
time is that they are really pushing for a Bone Marrow Transplant. This, of course, brings along its own terribly scary list of risks but no more scary than enduring 2 more years of chemotherapy. He is ready for the fight, and I am ready to stand along side him.

And someone else is, too! The thing we cannot forget in all of this, the thing that is giving both of us the determination & strength to go down what we know will be a terribly difficult road is our baby. Our tiny little lady.
She nudges me often, reminding me that she's still here, happily growing inside me. Ready to be a source of strength & light to us both.

4 comments:

Amy said...

I can't imagine the emotions you must be going through right now. I can't offer first hand support experience but I send along all my good hopes! xoxo

Lorraine said...

We love you guys so much. That's one lucky baby!!
Xoxoxo

Jessica said...

Thinking about you all the time. Glad you wrote this. Lots of love to Gord and your tiny little lady and to you. xo

ingrid said...

So sorry to hear that Gord's cancer is back. My husband had cancer in 2007, beat it, and when I was pregnant in 2009 we had a phone call from his doctor saying that "something" showed up on his CT Scan.

We were devastated.

Thankfully, the "something" turned out to be nothing. We had the newt and mummyhood is AMAZING. We still hold our breaths every time Jesse has a blood test or a CT Scan, but things are so good.

I'm thinking about you and Gord. If I can be supportive in any way, let me know.